Tweakers and Deer

Dean Delray is a comedian, rocker, and biker (he also has one hell of a mustache #MustachesAndMotorycles). If you haven't heard of him, you should definitely check out his Instagram (here). Recently he was in a motorcycle accident (this is kind of documented on his Instagram page). Apparently, a tweaker stole a car and ran into him while she was making her getaway. Then, she left the car (and the scene) and jumped in another car that sped away (I may not have the story exactly correct, but this is what I pieced together from Instagram and this Joe Rogan Experience podcast). I also heard that Dean is giving up motorcycling. I wanted to comment on this because I had a similar experience.

About ten years ago, I was riding right after sunset in early summer. A deer leaped out directly in front of me and I put the bike down to avoid hitting it. I and my girlfriend ended up rolling down the road and received some pretty decent injuries. A broken wrist kept me from riding for a couple months and I'd be lying if I didn't say it was terrifying getting back on a bike. However, my love for riding outweighed my fear and I continued to ride.

Now, looking at Dean's situation, I can understand his point of view. Since my accident, I can avoid riding or take it very easy when deer are on the move (dawn and dusk). It's tough to find a time in Los Angeles (this is where I believe Dean Delray lives) when there's not some crazy driver that'll take you out without thinking twice. Maybe Dean should move to the country! Wait, I think a meth lab was busted out here a couple months back. Fucking tweakers are everywhere! Stay safe, people!

“Here's something I would like to remind you two of: our best friend Doug is probably face down in a ditch right now with a meth head butt-fucking his corpse!” – Stu Price in the movie The Hangover

Who Was that Masked Biker?

While out on an excursion this Labor Day weekend, I ran into a couple on a motorcycle wearing those face masks with a skull on them. I'll admit to thinking these things were awesome 10 years ago. I first noticed them in a J&P Cycles catalog and nearly ordered one on the spot. Then, the movie Biker Boyz came out. Seeing guys in this cheesy movie (Ok, I thought it was a little entertaining) wear the masks made me change my opinion instantly. Nowadays, I feel like anyone should wear what they like; no judgements from me. This isn't really the point of this post; it's the fact that these people were wearing them on an 85 degree day!

The material on these masks is pretty thick, so there was no way it was comfortable. Like I mentioned before, I'm all for wearing stuff that you find fashionable. However, if that means sweating your ass off just to look a little gangster, I'll leave it!

There are definitely more clothing items that bring this reaction from me. Wearing shorts while riding comes to mind (especially when it's below 65). Sigh, to each their own I guess, but doing stuff like this just makes you look like a motorcycle douchebag!

“We understand how dangerous a mask can be. We all become what we pretend to be.”
― Patrick Rothfuss, The Name of the Wind



#Mustaches&Motorcycles

I think it's time that the mustache came back into style. I'm not talking about the random hipster sporting a waxed mustache or guys growing one as a joke. I'm also not talking about just growing a mustache for "Movember" (having a mustache in November to gain awareness for prostate cancer). I want there to be so many men with mustaches that a month will be designated to shave off mustaches for awareness of some issue. My big question is, "Why did the mustache go out of style in the first place?"

My uncle always likes to quote me as a four year old saying, "When I grow up, I want to be an uncle, because then I can have a mustache, drink beer, chase women, and play pool!" That's right; men we looked up to had mustaches! Our uncles, dads, athletes, film stars...real men! Tom Selleck was a man's man, playing the toughest private investigator ever in Magnum P.I. and he sported a great mustache. Also, do me a favor and Google Don Frye. This MMA legend's mustache probably won more fights than most people lie about. How about Theodore Roosevelt? This mustache wearing man wrestled fucking bears!! Ok, I'm not quite sure about the wrestling bears thing, but I kind of remember reading it somewhere (the point is that he was a tough sumbitch).

So, it's time to celebrate mustaches! Grow one and take a picture of yourself with your motorcycle. Tag it #mustaches&motorcycles and share it with the world! Ladies, encourage this behavior with all the men in your life. If you'd like, share your picture on our Facebook page (here). Be a man, grow a mustache, ride a motorcycle, eat, mate, repeat!

“Well, I might go get me a new tattoo, or take my old Harley for a three day cruise. Might even grow me a Fu Man Chu.” – Travis Tritt

 





Rain Riding

 



It has rained for about 6 days straight and I'm growing pretty tired of it. However, I view this as an opportunity to test my rain gear and hone in my wet conditions riding skills.

I've mentioned before (here) that I only recently started using quality rain gear after decades of avoiding the rain or being miserable in it. Let me tell you, quality motorcycle rain suits work! It's a bit of a pain in the ass to get the suit on and off (especially getting the pants over your boots), but I stay dry even in torrential rain.

Every rider is going to have to ride in the rain, it's impossible to completely avoid. So, like anything, practice is important! Of course you'll need to slow down, but beyond that it is important to experience cornering and braking on a wet road.

So instead of keeping my bike in the garage for the last few days, I view it as an opportunity to get some more experience. If you're prepared, riding can be fun in almost any condition. Ride safe and often!

“It’s all nonsense. It’s only nonsense. I’m not afraid of the rain. I am not afraid of the rain. Oh, oh, I wish I wasn’t.” – Ernest Hemingway

Buggin Out

Lately, I've been pretty interested in a YouTube series from a fellow named CycleCruza (see here for his channel). If you haven't watched this guy's videos, I really recommend you check them out. He has the same love and respect for all things with 2 wheels and an engine that I do. The series details out the building of his bug out van.

Now, a real bug out vehicle is used to live "off the grid" or to be prepared for society's proverbial shit-hits-the-fan moment when we would be on our own to feed and defend ourselves. His van is really more of an inconspicuous camper that also has the ability to haul his motorcycle. The benefit to using a van instead of buying a camper is twofold. First, it's cheaper and second, you can park your van and "camp" in places not necessarily designated for camping (i.e. parking lots and streets).

Now I'm trying to talk my wife into buying a van and converting it into our own bug out vehicle (of course with room for my motorcycle, just like CycleCruza). A "nomadic" lifestyle has always kind of appealed to me and I think it really fits in the spirit of motorcycling. However, this would not be the greatest for children and we have two very young ones. I guess this gives me a decade or two to convince my wife, right?!!

“I’ll catch you guys later. Deuces!” – CycleCruza

 

Picking up Chicks...Biker Style

 

This post is for all you single bikers. If you didn't already know, motorcycles can be a great tool to pick up some dates. I'm going to write this in the perspective of a guy picking up girls because that's what I'm experienced with.

I know I've mentioned it before (here) that one of the reasons my wife had anything to do with me was that I rode a cool motorcycle. She will adamantly deny this, but we both know deep down that it was at least part of her attraction to me (I'm really not that good looking). Honestly, I was so terrible with girls that motorcycles were about the only thing I had going for me.

Now, I'm going to disclaim this by stating that no one should start riding motorcycles to attract girls. It is just one of the benefits of riding. So, this is geared more toward the guys who already have decided that motorcycles are their passion.

First off, no matter what kind of motorcycle you ride, you are out there putting yourself in more danger than all other motorists. This makes you look dangerous and tough; girls love this. Bikers are the bad boys that girls' parents warn them about.

Now, let’s talk about the riding part. If a girl asks you to take her for a ride on your bike, you already have a huge opportunity to at least get her number. First of all, if she found you completely revolting, she wouldn't ask for a ride. Second, she's putting herself in a situation that is frightening and exciting while placing her life in your hands. Finally, the thing that will keep her the safest is to hold onto you very tight and physical contact is always awesome. This is a hell of a lot better than a dinner and a movie!

There you have it. Live, ride, love, pick up chicks, repeat.

"I couldn't help but notice that you look a lot like my next girlfriend." – Will Smith in Hitch



Busted on a Bike



 



It's been a while since I wrote about one of my past motorcycle experiences, so here's one that recently came up in a conversation.

A friend of mine had just purchased a brand new Yamaha R1. For those that don't know, this is a bike that was (and still is) near the pinnacle of performance and handling. He bought it in the winter and I ran into him in April. He mentioned that he had just got the bike back from its break-in service, which meant that it could be ridden to its limit. He asked if I'd like to take it for a ride.

It was around dusk, and I had missed a huge part of the previous riding season after having a run in with a deer at dusk (a story I’ll probably share at some point). Knowing that I would not have the restraint to take it easy, I turned him down. He persisted and with just a little more convincing, I accepted his offer.

I had a plan - there was a nearby straight stretch of road that I would test out the speed of the R1. I’d spend the rest of the ride obeying all traffic laws.

I did just that, I didn't speed until I was at my specific location. I won't say exactly how fast I went, but let's say it was way faster than most humans should ever go on a motorcycle. I neared the place where I was going to turn around to head back. There was a car pulling out of the side road I was turning into and the guy driving was focused on something behind me. It was the police with the lights flashing. Oh shit!!!

Now, the first thing a lot of douchebags say at this point in the story is, "You should've taken off! There's no way they could catch you!" That is the dumbest thing anyone could do! It wasn’t as if I robbed a bank or killed anyone! A police chase would make a bad situation catastrophic!

After I pulled over, the officer walked up to me and asked, "Do you know why I pulled you over?" Normally I say that I don't know (no sense in confessing to something the officer didn't notice). In this case I absolutely knew what it was; I was definitely going too fast. He asked how fast I thought I was going. Not wanting to incriminate myself, I replied that I wasn't sure.

He said he clocked me at 90 mph. An overwhelming relief came over me. He must've noticed me while I was slowing down. I remained as respectful and polite as I could, but he said that he had to write me a ticket. He wrote it for only 20 mph over the limit (still a few points against my license, but nothing that'd get it taken away). He was actually pretty cool; we had a little conversation about motorcycles before he let me go.

I returned to meet my friend and he immediately asked how I liked the ride. I responded by pulling the ticket out of my pocket. Everyone had a good laugh at my expense and I think I learned my lesson. Remember…cops are everywhere!

“There’s a lot of things blamed on me that never happened. But then, there’s a lot of things that I did that I never got caught at.” – Johnny Cash